January 26, 2008, the dreaded day of my biopsy.
I read all the horror stories of this procedure called the biopsy and it scared the CRAP out of me! My appointment was at 5 PM and my wife and I arrived early. There was another couple in the waiting room and I wondered if he was there for the same thing. We didn't speak to each other but I think we both knew we were there for the same thing.
They called him in and as he walked through the door towards the back he jokingly said to his wife, "If you hear me screaming come and get me." My wife and I both chuckled and went back to reading outdated magazines provided by our wonderful Urologist.
About thirty minutes later he came through the door looking white as a ghost. He told his wife, "Let's go", and he walked precariously but quickly out the door.
Now it was my turn. I followed the same path as my predecessor did just thirty minutes ago. I followed the nurse through a maze of twists and turns to the farthest and darkest corner of the office. As I entered the room another nurse was sitting there and she asked me to sit up on the examination table while she took my blood pressure, and asked me a few questions to make sure I followed the instructions that were given to me prior to the biopsy. After all that was done she told me to drop my drawers, lie down on the bed and face the wall in the fetal position.
Neither of the nurses spoke very much or explained to me what was going to happen. I felt like I was just another slab of meat in a processing plant. I kept thinking about the other guy that was just in there and how he looked as he walked out of the office. Man oh man! what have I got myself into? The one nurse finally broke silence and told me she was going to stick a sonogram device up my rectum so the doctor could see my prostate in order to take the biopsies and that I would feel some pressure. No Kidding! There's a scope going up my butt, I'm going to feel pressure! Before I know it I'm lubed up like a Dana 44 and being sodomized by a scope. Talk about pressure, it ain't nothing compared to what I'm about to experience.
So I'm laying there with a scope up my butt and the Doctor enters the room. This Urologist has a bedside manner of a Rock. After he chats with the nurses on some technical matters dealing with the scope he tells me that he will be giving me a local anesthetic. Local! Hell I want some drugs to put me to sleep! Well I didn't get my wish. I couldn't see anything since I was facing the wall but I felt it as he entered a long needle through the scope and into my prostate. YEOOOWWW! God I swear that needle felt like it was coming out my penis. Oh my god!
Am I at Home Depot in the tool section, because I swear I can hear a Nail gun!
The Doctor then said he would begin the biopsy. Wait a minute aren't you supposed to wait until that thing numbs up a bit before you start? All of a sudden I hear a nail gun go off and feel extreme pain. Holy ?&%#! I wanted to scream but I had to maintain my manhood at the same time so I grit my teeth, locked it in 4 low and held on to the edge of the bed as I endured eleven more of these painful snatch and grabs. Each time I heard that nail gun go off I just held on for dear life. About halfway through I asked how many more were there to go. He said, "Four more." Son of a @#$%!
After the last one was done he took the scope out and left the room without saying a word. The nurse gave me a pantie liner and told me when I felt okay to walk, I could leave. I put the pantie liner on(I think it had wings, not sure), pulled up my pants and walked back to the waiting room. I waved to my wife to come on and walked right out the door without stopping, pretty much like the guy before me did.
The aftermath
I came home and went straight to bed. I felt humiliated and sore. I had some cramping, bloody urine, and bloody bowels for a few days until it healed. I also had bloody semen for about a month. Let me tell you that's a scary sight!
1 comment:
wow sounds painful!
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